Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is that habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.--Hebrews 10:23-25
Read This!!!
Here we go again; something else to read, more information, someone else telling you what to do or what to say or how to feel. You’re already overwhelmed and here’s yet another article telling you what you’re not doing right.
Why do we do it? Why do we listen to this blogger, that internet preacher, some author from whom we only see soundbytes on our social media feeds? It’s because it’s easy. It is easier to “prepare” for life by reading about what to do than to live out what we’re being told to do.
The information overload brought on by social media also makes it very easy to choose what we allow into our hearts and minds. We post about ourselves what we want others to see, and we mindlessly scroll to anything that catches our attention–a “like” here, a “care” there, and maybe even a “love” if the post actually tugs a heartstring. But then we move on to the next thing. No need for conversation, etiquette, or engagement beyond that “care” button. Somehow as a culture we’ve decided that this is a good thing. It avoids drama and uncomfortable silences, and it helps us to portray ourselves as we wish we were.
Then Sunday rolls around, and so-and-so says something that just doesn’t sit right. “She’s just difficult. I’ve read all about difficult people and how to handle them. I know how I’m supposed to feel, the right words and actions…
Why do we do it? Why do we listen to this blogger, that internet preacher, some author from whom we only see soundbytes on our social media feeds? It’s because it’s easy. It is easier to “prepare” for life by reading about what to do than to live out what we’re being told to do.
The information overload brought on by social media also makes it very easy to choose what we allow into our hearts and minds. We post about ourselves what we want others to see, and we mindlessly scroll to anything that catches our attention–a “like” here, a “care” there, and maybe even a “love” if the post actually tugs a heartstring. But then we move on to the next thing. No need for conversation, etiquette, or engagement beyond that “care” button. Somehow as a culture we’ve decided that this is a good thing. It avoids drama and uncomfortable silences, and it helps us to portray ourselves as we wish we were.
Then Sunday rolls around, and so-and-so says something that just doesn’t sit right. “She’s just difficult. I’ve read all about difficult people and how to handle them. I know how I’m supposed to feel, the right words and actions…
but I just can’t.”
I just can’t” isn’t an overstatement or a cliche to dismiss the situation–it’s the truth. When we read and scroll and post and react all day long we’re not actually learning how to deal with people. We also aren’t learning how to deal with ourselves–that is, our sins.
When this realization of “I just can’t” sets in we grow weary. We’re tired of people, failed attempts at fellowship, and the articles that are supposed to be helping us deal with these things. What is all this reading accomplishing anyway?
The truth is that real-life interaction is difficult because we are not in control. We aren’t in control of what others, or even we ourselves, might say. Social media allows us to type, delete, rethink, revise the sinful thoughts right out of every statement. Immediate face-to-face reactions don’t allow do-overs.
Besides that, when we’re on social media no one can read our facial expressions, which may run rampant at home but are quite hard to hide out in the real world. We can walk away from interactions wondering what body language provided clues to the true ugliness of our hearts–the ugliness we thought we’d conquered thanks to the false confidence all that reading gave us.
One effect social media culture seems to have set in motion is pick-and-choose syndrome’s playing out in real life. Because we can choose not to engage with things on social media that we find unpleasant, we think we can remove ourselves from face-to-face conversations we don’t want to have as well. But that just earns us worse relationships.
All this drives us back home to the Safety Zone, where we have a week to prepare to face it all again. In the meantime, though, the Safety Zone is lonely. Like it or not, God created us for fellowship. Why else would He have created the Church, or families for that matter, the way he did?
When this realization of “I just can’t” sets in we grow weary. We’re tired of people, failed attempts at fellowship, and the articles that are supposed to be helping us deal with these things. What is all this reading accomplishing anyway?
The truth is that real-life interaction is difficult because we are not in control. We aren’t in control of what others, or even we ourselves, might say. Social media allows us to type, delete, rethink, revise the sinful thoughts right out of every statement. Immediate face-to-face reactions don’t allow do-overs.
Besides that, when we’re on social media no one can read our facial expressions, which may run rampant at home but are quite hard to hide out in the real world. We can walk away from interactions wondering what body language provided clues to the true ugliness of our hearts–the ugliness we thought we’d conquered thanks to the false confidence all that reading gave us.
One effect social media culture seems to have set in motion is pick-and-choose syndrome’s playing out in real life. Because we can choose not to engage with things on social media that we find unpleasant, we think we can remove ourselves from face-to-face conversations we don’t want to have as well. But that just earns us worse relationships.
All this drives us back home to the Safety Zone, where we have a week to prepare to face it all again. In the meantime, though, the Safety Zone is lonely. Like it or not, God created us for fellowship. Why else would He have created the Church, or families for that matter, the way he did?
Hiding behind screens in the Safety Zone is not an option for Christians.
The Bible, though most importantly the revelation of Jesus, is also a book of relationship. Stories and instruction abound on how to treat other people. We are commanded to love others. Matthew 22:37-40 says, “And He said to him, ‘“You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, and with all your soul, and with all your mind.” This is the great and foremost commandment. The second is like it, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself.” On these two commandments depend the whole Law and the Prophets.’”
Even if you never look at a screen, if you’re not consistently endeavoring to love your neighbor, you’re in the wrong.
You may be afraid the time you spend showing love to your neighbor will take time away from your duties in the home. This is not the case as long as everything is prioritized properly. There is a ditch of “love for neighbor” into which you theoretically could fall, but our self-absorbed culture has pointed us pretty far from that. One way of steering clear of that ditch, though, is pursuing love for neighbor as a family. Scrolling through social media in the same room does not constitute family fellowship. Loving your neighbors as a family not only helps the family to spend time together but also instills the desire to love into your children and teaches them how to deal with real-life situations. How and where can you start loving your neighbor as a family?
Even if you never look at a screen, if you’re not consistently endeavoring to love your neighbor, you’re in the wrong.
You may be afraid the time you spend showing love to your neighbor will take time away from your duties in the home. This is not the case as long as everything is prioritized properly. There is a ditch of “love for neighbor” into which you theoretically could fall, but our self-absorbed culture has pointed us pretty far from that. One way of steering clear of that ditch, though, is pursuing love for neighbor as a family. Scrolling through social media in the same room does not constitute family fellowship. Loving your neighbors as a family not only helps the family to spend time together but also instills the desire to love into your children and teaches them how to deal with real-life situations. How and where can you start loving your neighbor as a family?
Start with your church.
Most are professing Christians, so with them you have the most important relational bond there is, Jesus. Expect more grace here than anywhere else. But don’t expect your fellow church members to be perfect! We’re all sinners, many of us working through the same obstacles and stubborn sin. Show the same grace to others that you expect them to show to you. Don’t walk away telling yourself “I just can’t.”
“And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me,” 2 Corinthians 12:9.
It won’t always be easy or fun, but keep trying. It’s good for you and for those you’re interacting with. Ask for forgiveness when you sin against others, and forgive them for their sins against you. “Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another,” Proverbs 27:17
For many, Sundays are a blur. You might be thinking that whatever extra you try to do at or within the church is just taking away more family time and that by the time church is over everyone is starving and staying later could spell disaster. Consider bringing snacks for your kids for after church. Having something to tide them over to lunch could earn them and you some extra needed fellowship.
Make sure to take advantage of fellowship meals too. Don’t dread them! They’re the perfect opportunity to love your brothers and sisters in Christ. God has placed you in your specific church with these specific people so that you can learn to love them. Serve them by preparing wonderful food for them. Be abundant and generous. Put thought into what they might like. Care that if there isn’t enough food people could go home hungry! Don’t rush, and don’t you dare pull out that phone. Go home full, belly and heart. Take your conversations into the week, and when you reach for your phone, instead of scrolling or reading about life, send a text message or make a phone call to a real person who has the power to rub you the wrong way. Break away from that self-absorbed, tiresome cycle of
“And He has said to me, ‘My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.’ Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me,” 2 Corinthians 12:9.
It won’t always be easy or fun, but keep trying. It’s good for you and for those you’re interacting with. Ask for forgiveness when you sin against others, and forgive them for their sins against you. “Iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another,” Proverbs 27:17
For many, Sundays are a blur. You might be thinking that whatever extra you try to do at or within the church is just taking away more family time and that by the time church is over everyone is starving and staying later could spell disaster. Consider bringing snacks for your kids for after church. Having something to tide them over to lunch could earn them and you some extra needed fellowship.
Make sure to take advantage of fellowship meals too. Don’t dread them! They’re the perfect opportunity to love your brothers and sisters in Christ. God has placed you in your specific church with these specific people so that you can learn to love them. Serve them by preparing wonderful food for them. Be abundant and generous. Put thought into what they might like. Care that if there isn’t enough food people could go home hungry! Don’t rush, and don’t you dare pull out that phone. Go home full, belly and heart. Take your conversations into the week, and when you reach for your phone, instead of scrolling or reading about life, send a text message or make a phone call to a real person who has the power to rub you the wrong way. Break away from that self-absorbed, tiresome cycle of
“Read This!!!”