The Marriage Bed Part 2

Hebrews 13:4 Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled, for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.

All Christians, both those who are married and those who are not, are required to hold marriage in honor and to keep the marriage bed undefiled.

The two sins mentioned that defile the marriage bed are of two categories. The first, fornication, is sin committed prior to or outside of marriage. The second occurs inside marriage.

This means those not married may defile the marriage bed just as those who are married. God will judge both.

First, those not married must avoid sexual immorality. The bible says to flee it. Rather you are to live chaste and discreet lives. Here are just some of the ways that singles and young people can defile the marriage bed.

1. The obvious is Premarital sex. But just because its obvious doesn't mean you won't be tempted to lie to yourself about what it is. Since Bill Clinton once wrangled over the word "is", you too will be tempted to narrowly define it to just intercourse. Therefore you will go right up to that line. But beware that if the thing you are doing includes the word sex, like Oral sex, Anal Sex, and etc. it is sex. It is fornication. All physical intimacy is preserved for marriage.

2. Pornography. Looking at naked flesh on your laptop, cell phone, tv, and magazines is harmful to your soul. In fact the greek word for sexual immorality is where we get the word pornography from. Pornography robs you of joy, leaves you feeling ashamed, and will do damage to your future marriage. Many young men waste away good years of their life unable to stand firm for God, to lead others, and to rightly pursue women because pornography has enslaved them. Studies have shown that it even rewires the brain in harmful ways.

If looking at porn is sinful, how about producing it? Don't be sexting. Don't put up immodest pictures online of yourself.

3. Indiscretion- The bible calls for young women to be discreet. This means they are careful and guarded. It doesn't mean being overly picky and refusing to marry a good man. But it also doesn't mean putting yourself out there with every young man. It also doesn't mean acting like just one of the boys. Young men and young women should treat each other with respect and courtesy. But an over familiarity, too much friendliness, is not only a door to temptation but it actually can work against a pursuit of marriage. Young men build up bitterness from being friend-zoned. Young ladies may with indiscretion put themselves in a situation where they commit sexual immorality or are the victims of sexual assault.

4. Immodesty. A man and his wife are to be naked and unashamed. Sadly many young ladies aren't ashamed being practically naked with everyone in public. Be modest even at the pool or beach. What father would allow his teenage daughter or wife to walk around in their bra and panties around other men? But throw in some chlorine, water, and sun, then suddenly its ok to wear less than underwear?

Secondly, those not-married should seek to honor the marriage bed. If the above list is a list of things off-limits what are some things to do that honors the marriage bed.

1. Pursue marriage. There are certain people whom God has gifted for a specific ministry and therefore he calls them and equips them to a life of celibacy. These are not people who burn with lust but rather those God gifts with a desire to singularly serve him. For everyone else, marriage is not only the norm, it is the created ordnance and the first commandment that God gave to mankind. Be fruitful and multiply. While still having discretion, be open to and pursue marriage. It is honorable. Honor it and get married.

2. Make yourself marriageable. Take care of your health and your appearance, while being modest don't also be a slob. Young men pursue a vocation and have a purpose to your life. Don't waste your teens and your twenties in pursuit of foolish and frivolous pursuits. Young women learn homemaking skills. Use them to help your father's household. Don't be so caught up in a pursuit of a career that you make everything about you. You were created to be a helper and a keeper of the home. Start when you are young.

3. Be a help to the married couples at your church. You can honor marriage by helping to honor the marriages of others. Babysit their children. Volunteer to help with work projects. Give yourself to loving and serving the church.

4. Practice self-control. Not just over sexual sins but work to develop self-control in all areas of your life. Parents should start with their children when they are young teaching them self-control at the dinner table or when playing with their toys. Self-control is both a skill and a gift of the Holy Spirit. So pray for God to give you self-control.

5. Keep yourself pure. There is a reason that the pastor says at the end of the wedding ceremony, “you may now kiss the bride.” It sounds quaint or old-fashioned but it is a reminder that physical intimacy is meant to be reserved for after the marriage. It is after the vows are made and the covenant established that one is finally free to pursue the one-flesh union. This is God's design and it is good.


Finally, what hope is there for those who have failed? Can they still honor the marriage bed?

1 Corinthians 6:11 Such were some of you; but you were washed, but you were sanctified, but you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and in the Spirit of our God.

Yes, you can be washed clean. You can be declared righteous and holy. Jesus Christ and His Spirit may restore you.

He is the only one who can make the defiled undefiled.

Look to him and be pure.

In the next post, we will look at ways that the marriage bed is defiled from within the marriage and how married couples must honor it.